Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Misery and gin

So here I sit again,
Mixing misery and gin,
Sitting with all my friends,
And talkin' to myself.

So here I am at my going away party. It was actually yesterday when my family came down and we had a dinner at my mother's house. Of course, the corn bread got burned, which put a damper on the whole day. Because without cornbread, the beans just don't matter.

But we did have a party, but now on Monday night, not too long before I fly, I'm sitting at the bar in my hometown with about 5 people. Doesn't really matter, because I'm not a big going-away type guy. You leave, you stay, you sneak out of town. It's still leaving, regardless.

The big thing I'm thinking about right now is, "is this all a big mistake". Should I stay, should I go? Its a good thing these are called second thoughts, because the first ones are usually the right ones, and over thinking things usually leads to more problems than just doing it.

I spent the day saying goodbye to people hoping I wouldn't be back in 6 weeks as an abject failure. But one thing I've learned is that Thomas Wolf was wrong. You can go home again. And they'll actually let you back in, even if you don't feel you deserve it. Silly people. Always giving you an out and letting you have a second chance.

Some people think the hardest thing you'll ever do is leave home. But they're wrong. The hardest thing you can do is leave, come back, and leave again. Because saying goodbye once is hard. Saying goodbye a second time is heartbreaking.

This is just me being maudlin and feeling sorry for myself. But I have to tell you, this really sucks. I've had friends and family tell me I'm an idiot for doing this, and some have told me I'm doing a good thing for doing this. But I wish someone could tell me if I'm doing the right thing?

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